Apologies to The Brain, The Heart, and The Stomach 1/30

So often I confuse you all, one jumbled mess of spark plug
connected by a faulty wire.  Reset every five minutes by
human hands who love to play God, and I let them do it.
So yes, that is the first apology.  Sorry that I let them keep
cutting you open, split you and size you down, let them
keep peeling your layers back to find the damage, again and

again, returning empty handed.  That I keep letting them reach
into this chest and hold you, clockwork steady, and shake
you loose, watch all the gears fall out, confusing it for love.
That I let him fuck you on the bar room floor, well,
at least, I stopped, once I realized you were all screaming
at me.  How loud you screamed, that I made you crawl
out of me and expose yourself, that I am always
exposing you, wearing my trauma, scars first, story
later.  That I let them suck the air out of the room,
leave you dizzy, that I don’t realize how damaged
you really are until I have piled more damage onto you
myself.  For the poison.  For the pills.  For the lack
of sleep and every lie you knew was a lie and let me
speak anyway.  For berating your want.  Denying your
functions.  For not listening.  For knowing, because of
the second surgery, that the Vagus Nerve is the longest
in the human body, connecting the three of you- head, heart, gut.
For not honoring each holy decision you attempted to
navigate for me.